I feel safer when _________! I will relax when ________ ! I will feel better about myself when __________!
Go on fill these blanks in, because these are your conditions of safety. I call it this because you believe your state, how you feel, is dependant on these conditions, and as a result you are dependant on these conditions.
The consequences (believe it or not) is actually anxiety, worry, depression, stress, anger, and of course momentary happiness, relief and self confidence. Momentary because … it is only on condition that all these factors are present in the moment that you can feel relaxed, calm, confident and happy.
Anxiety, worry, depression, stress and/or insecurity are all guaranteed when how or what you feel relies on conditions that are in something to be attained, provided or acquired.
As a condition of safety, you need it, and if you need it you cannot relax until you have it, are certain you will not loose it and convinced you know how to keep it.
And then of course there is the risk that once you have it, it may no longer even be enough. This is because that is how conditions of safety work.
Sound familiar? Take a closer look at your anxious thinking, angry rumination, worried and insecure thoughts.
Processing these patterns will reveal a mindset that may look inspiring, helpful and ambitious on the surface but which is actually self limiting or even self harming.
So we invite you to take the leap, and look to identify your conditions of safety.